how do flat chested girls get laid?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
