ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
