He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
