Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
