A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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