When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When are your genitals available?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
