We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
