You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
