I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
