she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
