If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
