"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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