The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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