OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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