my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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