there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
