btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
