Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
