Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
