I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
