someone get that fucking seahorse.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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