i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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