I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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