You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
