your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
