Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
