hotel room ftw
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
