Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
