Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
