so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
