man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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