idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
