There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
