Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
