the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
