it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
