sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
