Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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