I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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