I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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