I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
