I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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