i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
