it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
