definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Who died my cat blue again?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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