so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
