Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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