YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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