The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
