These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
