come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
