I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
