So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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