dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
