This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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