Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
