ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
