My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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