What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize