There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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