You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
