How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
