if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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