I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
