i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
