so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
