i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
