Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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