dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
