My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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